It's been a rough couple of months.

I don't think anyone reads this any way so I'm going to write my trials and tribulations in it. My hope is that by writing things down I will get things off my chest and feel better.

It's been a really rough couple of months since I left my home and my best friend (my youngest son, he's 20 years old) I loaded what I could fit into my car and drove 500 miles south to my oldest son's house. I've been living with him and his family ever since. I'm trying to get on my feet and find my own place to live but it's hard.

I came to give my son a hand with his kids so I can't work full time and it's hard to save any money for my own place living here, it seems like there is never enough time to get any painting done to make any money at that. I have quit listing on ebay for now and I'm depending on my part time job for money.

On my darkest days, and I guess this is one of them, I feel like I gave up my dreams of a better life than I had in Wisconsini to come here and be a Nanny-housekeeper for my son and his family and to work part time to help buy food to feel them all. the really bad part is that no one has even said thank you. I miss the things I left behind, I miss having time to myself, I miss Guy Lian chocolates.

I've also been sick so I know that is affecting my outlook on things. I had broncitus that nearly developed into phnemonia and now I have an acute case of sinusitus My head hurts so bad without taking vicadin that all i can do is lie down and cry, so I'm keeping myself pretty well dosed up on them. The antibiotics they gave me haven't helped yet and I've been taking them for almost a week. My son is going to call the DR tomorrow to see if I can have something stronger to kick this. It really is miserable.

I stopped taking my antidepressants about a month ago and It has helped in that I am no longer suicidal. I still feel pretty hopless about my situation and have trouble motivating myself to paint, but before i was really thinking about just ending it all. Now I'm feeling stronger and am regaining my will to fight the adversity I have to overcome. I will make it and I will have a better life than I had, it is just going to take a little while longer than I originally planned. What doesn't kill me makes me stronger.