I'm here at my son's family home for a while. I can stay here untill I get on my feet and can get a place of my own. I've been helping out with the children and some of the cooking and housework so I don't feel like a mooch.
It's been a lot harder than I thought it was going to be, but I think iit will be worth it in the end.
Thursday, November 29, 2007
Saturday, November 10, 2007
Thursday, October 18, 2007
I've gone back to my old ways....
and why not, I ask. My self imposed sobriety wasn't helping any more than the antidepressants the doctor was giving me. Since I've gone back to that nice warm feeling that my momma has wrapped me in a nice warm blanket where nothing can bother me, I've been able to paint most of the day and have a couple of paintings to list tonight. I completed them with ease and they are very good even if I do say so myself. I'll post pictures of them tomorrow. For now, all I have to say is it's good to be home
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
Giving up
Yeah, it goes against my grain to give up, but I'm not strong enough any more to keep hoping. The cash I had stashed will have to go for bills around here since my husband is having trouble with his business. It's not his fault, he's waiting for people to pay him and sometimes it takes a while.
I've fought the darkness growing inside me long enough. I've been to the doctor she's put me on antidepressants and given me xanax. They don't work, not really.
I feel better right now, than I have in a while. It's easier to give up than it is to keep trying. Even hopes and dreams take energy I don't seem to have. I'll stop fighting the darkness and let it take me, perhaps I'll find a better place there in the dark.
I've fought the darkness growing inside me long enough. I've been to the doctor she's put me on antidepressants and given me xanax. They don't work, not really.
I feel better right now, than I have in a while. It's easier to give up than it is to keep trying. Even hopes and dreams take energy I don't seem to have. I'll stop fighting the darkness and let it take me, perhaps I'll find a better place there in the dark.
Thursday, September 13, 2007
Chili For supper!!
Well I was depressed this morning. It was cold and windy with rain.
You know that saying when life hands you lemons--make lemonade. It works, at least some of the time. I was brooding at the kitchen table thinking of what I needed to do today when my thoughts turned to what to have for supper. I realised this was perfect chili weather.
Chili is one of my favorite meals but it just doesn't go over well in the summer. Today it will be welcomed by all and sundry. I scrounged through my cupbaords and found everything I needed for my recipe. I went shopping yesterday so I had a big package of hamburger in the fridge.
Right now there is a big soup pot simmering on my stove putting out the most wonderfull aroma. I also got pruductive and finished this winter scene I started late last winter but got tired of it.
Late Winter Sunset 5 by 7 watercolor
You know that saying when life hands you lemons--make lemonade. It works, at least some of the time. I was brooding at the kitchen table thinking of what I needed to do today when my thoughts turned to what to have for supper. I realised this was perfect chili weather.
Chili is one of my favorite meals but it just doesn't go over well in the summer. Today it will be welcomed by all and sundry. I scrounged through my cupbaords and found everything I needed for my recipe. I went shopping yesterday so I had a big package of hamburger in the fridge.
Right now there is a big soup pot simmering on my stove putting out the most wonderfull aroma. I also got pruductive and finished this winter scene I started late last winter but got tired of it.
Late Winter Sunset 5 by 7 watercolor
Some Mornings It just doesn't pay to get out of bed
I woke up in a blue fog this morning, I just don't feel like doing anything.
I know it's partly the weather, It's been raining since ten A.M. The wind blew like crazy just as it started to rain. The sound of it made me think of winter snowstorms, reminding me they are not so very far off now. I can still hear the sound of distant thunder. It's just a very moody day here weather wise and my own mood seems to match the weather.
It's times like these that I doubt I will be able to carry out my plans, I doubt I can stand alone, even though it's been my dream. I doubt my sanity for even dreaming of giving everything up to go it alone.
On days like this I just want to pull the covers over my head and hide from the world.
I know it's partly the weather, It's been raining since ten A.M. The wind blew like crazy just as it started to rain. The sound of it made me think of winter snowstorms, reminding me they are not so very far off now. I can still hear the sound of distant thunder. It's just a very moody day here weather wise and my own mood seems to match the weather.
It's times like these that I doubt I will be able to carry out my plans, I doubt I can stand alone, even though it's been my dream. I doubt my sanity for even dreaming of giving everything up to go it alone.
On days like this I just want to pull the covers over my head and hide from the world.
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
Paintings
The Calla 4 by 6 inches watercolor
Wine Tasting 5 by 7 inches watercolor
Three Pears 5 by 7 watercolor
Cherry Blossoms 5 by 7 watercolor
Wine Tasting 5 by 7 inches watercolor
Three Pears 5 by 7 watercolor
Cherry Blossoms 5 by 7 watercolor
Pictures
The previous post contained a couple of cherry paintings in a new series for me. I placed the cherries and a white milkware pedistal bowl on the back of my guitar to get some nice reflectoinis.
The following painting is a magnolia done in watercolor on a 4 by 6 peice of watercolor paper
Next is a bowl of currants done in watercolor 5 by 7 inches
The following painting is a magnolia done in watercolor on a 4 by 6 peice of watercolor paper
Next is a bowl of currants done in watercolor 5 by 7 inches
Friday, September 7, 2007
I little something about me.
I'm a watercolor artist. I sell under two seperate IDs on Ebay. One of those IDs is pretty well established and I do OK selling there most of the time. The other ID I'm just starting to list some of my art on. The pictures on this page are from that ID. Those paintings and the others I will be listing there are more what I enjoy doing than what I sell on my other ID. I also sell books and other things on that ID.
This spring I discovered that I had an underactive thyroid. I'd been feeling realy tired all the time. I'd lost interest in just about everything I'd enjoyed. I thought I was just getting old. I'd given up and was just waiting to die. I was very depressed.
With medication, I've gotten some of my energy back and the doctor assures me that I will feel much better when we get my medicine right. The other thing we are treating is depression. I suffer from panic attacks and severe anxiety.
It's been a difficult journey trying to get well. sometimes I just want to give up. Part of that is my fear that I'll never get away from here. That I'll always live where it snows in October and April. The tempratures can get down to below -20 degrees in the winter and stay there for weeks on end. I'm afraid I'll always be in a relationship that isn't good for me, and hasn't been for as long as I can remember. My husband isn't really a bad man. I just can't give him what he needs any more than he can give me what I need. It's like that song, there aint no good guy there aint no bad guy there's only you and me and we just dissagree.
Sooo... any way I'm working hard to get well and painting my heart out to save as much money as I can so I can do some traveling before I settle down in the small town where My oldest son lives. He has three children I barely know, it would be nice to get to know them.
I'd like to take route 66 to the west coast. I've never seen the ocean. I want to go to New Orleans and maybe the outer banks. There are so many places I'd like to visit. There is so much I want to do. Even if I never get to do any of it, I think I can rent a nice little place by my son and live quietly and in peace painting and enjoying my life. At least that is my dream.
This spring I discovered that I had an underactive thyroid. I'd been feeling realy tired all the time. I'd lost interest in just about everything I'd enjoyed. I thought I was just getting old. I'd given up and was just waiting to die. I was very depressed.
With medication, I've gotten some of my energy back and the doctor assures me that I will feel much better when we get my medicine right. The other thing we are treating is depression. I suffer from panic attacks and severe anxiety.
It's been a difficult journey trying to get well. sometimes I just want to give up. Part of that is my fear that I'll never get away from here. That I'll always live where it snows in October and April. The tempratures can get down to below -20 degrees in the winter and stay there for weeks on end. I'm afraid I'll always be in a relationship that isn't good for me, and hasn't been for as long as I can remember. My husband isn't really a bad man. I just can't give him what he needs any more than he can give me what I need. It's like that song, there aint no good guy there aint no bad guy there's only you and me and we just dissagree.
Sooo... any way I'm working hard to get well and painting my heart out to save as much money as I can so I can do some traveling before I settle down in the small town where My oldest son lives. He has three children I barely know, it would be nice to get to know them.
I'd like to take route 66 to the west coast. I've never seen the ocean. I want to go to New Orleans and maybe the outer banks. There are so many places I'd like to visit. There is so much I want to do. Even if I never get to do any of it, I think I can rent a nice little place by my son and live quietly and in peace painting and enjoying my life. At least that is my dream.
Thursday, September 6, 2007
I'm just getting started here.
I'll give you more details as I go along. I'm kinda winging it here since I've never done any blogging before.
I just thought this might be a nice place to write out my hopes and fears, my Triumphs and failures.
I just thought this might be a nice place to write out my hopes and fears, my Triumphs and failures.
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