I've gone back to my old ways....

and why not, I ask. My self imposed sobriety wasn't helping any more than the antidepressants the doctor was giving me. Since I've gone back to that nice warm feeling that my momma has wrapped me in a nice warm blanket where nothing can bother me, I've been able to paint most of the day and have a couple of paintings to list tonight. I completed them with ease and they are very good even if I do say so myself. I'll post pictures of them tomorrow. For now, all I have to say is it's good to be home

Giving up

Yeah, it goes against my grain to give up, but I'm not strong enough any more to keep hoping. The cash I had stashed will have to go for bills around here since my husband is having trouble with his business. It's not his fault, he's waiting for people to pay him and sometimes it takes a while.

I've fought the darkness growing inside me long enough. I've been to the doctor she's put me on antidepressants and given me xanax. They don't work, not really.

I feel better right now, than I have in a while. It's easier to give up than it is to keep trying. Even hopes and dreams take energy I don't seem to have. I'll stop fighting the darkness and let it take me, perhaps I'll find a better place there in the dark.